Missing my Papa

I hope I can still hear his voice. I wish I can still listen to his praises. I pray I can still hug him.

He was just an ordinary man. A typical Filipino tatay, or father per se. But fr me, he was a different and a noble person. He had a great plan, not just a mere simple plan but indeed a great ambition. The ambition was not plainly for himself, but for the sake of our family. I always remember him bragging to his friends and barkadas that someday he knew that I will become a notable person in our community. That someday, I will bring the family to a higher level. That someday, I will not be like them anymore, and I will live totally opposite from the illiteracy and dirty jobs trapped them. 

That was my "Papa." For others, he was a typical father, yes. But he is the greatest man I've ever known compared to Galileo, Isaac Newton, Neil Armstrong or whosoever. He was a man of dignity. A man of reputable principle; one who fights what is right and what is morally accepted. Above all, he is more than a typical father because he always finds time to us, mend our needs, played at times, and raised us well. 

The old, brown, yet dignified face he possessed is vividly registered still in my memory. He is a great man. He takes care of us. He even attended regular meetings in school every time the schol's PTCA called for one. 

 

All along, although he didn't vocally told us, I know fr sure that Papa loved us. I can feel it though he never uttered those words to us.

I enjoyed work and play with him accompanying us. I can still remember the laughter, the joy, the smile in our faces every time he used to play fun with all of us, his 5 children. 

But all these, are mere memories now. I cannot have his tangible presence with us. I can no longer hear his voice. I can no longer listen to his praises and encouragement. I can no longer have him back. He is gone.

I feel jealous upon seeing children who still have their parents close with them. To see a child whose father or a mother accompanying him or her to school, or playing with them in a park, is a scene irritating my eyes. There and then, I felt a river of tears because I never had the chance to experience those basic needs of a child. 

I am in grief because I never had the chance to tell him how proud we were to be his children. I never had the opportunity to let him know how much we care for him; that we were so lucky to have him as our Papa. I never had the opportunity to give him what he deserve to have. I never had the opportunity to show him my achievements. Perhaps there could never be worst than delivering your Valedictory Speech in a large crowd but knowing that your father is at home on his bed, nakaratay sa kama and losing him in a matter of 6 days after that.

The time he spent with us was so short. But I guess he was happy once in his life to have us. 

I still believe that someday, we will cross our ways together. Surely not on this world but the life after this. There, we will surely let him know those unspoken words that we, his family had always wanted him to know. 

I love you Papa!